Changing Myself

One major life lesson I've learned from my mom (and is being proved again and again from my own life experiences) is that the only person you can change is yourself. No matter how much you desire and how hard you try to change others- it will all be futile. It's part of God's plan for His children. We were given the gift of agency and therefore we are responsible for our own actions- not others. However, an interesting thing about human nature is that it is a million times easier to see the changes that need to be made in others than see what needs to be changed in ourselves.

In my life there's a person I would desperately love to change. This person is someone with whom I should have a close relationship with, but I don't. It's a very strained and difficult relationship. One in which I hold a lot of negative feelings (of anger, resentment, disappointment, frustration, etc.) against this person.

I've gotten to the point where I'm tired of spending so much energy on these negative feelings towards this person. I'm tired of carrying so much anger, resentment, and disappointment around with me. I want to let those feelings go. I'm not hoping for a close relationship with this person. I just hope that I can get to the point that no matter what this person says/does, that I'll be able to be calm and at peace inside. That I can stop giving this person the power to affect my emotions so negatively. I hope to get to the point that treating this person with respect and kindness isn't so difficult. I want to stop feeling on edge every time I'm around this person.

I'm ready for change.

I'm ready to stop waiting/expecting for this person to change, and finally just start working on myself. However I know that I can't get to the point I want to be at on my own. I can't bring about this change in my heart without the help of the Savior. I've held on to these feelings for too long and too deeply. I know this is going to be a long and very difficult process. I know that there'll still be times when this person makes me frustrated and hurt. But I also know that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I can overcome this.

I will one day be held accountable for my actions/choices I made regarding this relationship. Right now I couldn't go before my Father in Heaven with a clean conscience of my actions/feelings towards this person. Therefore I am choosing that today I will start the process of softening and changing my heart, with the Savior's help. So that one day I can stand before my Father in Heaven with a clear conscience.

As I was looking for a quote/picture to go along with this post, I came across the talk, The Merciful Obtain Mercy by Pres. Uchtdorf. It seemed that every point Pres. Uchtdorf makes was directed right at me. Coincidence? I don't think so. The entire talk is amazing, and I strongly encourage reading the entire thing. But these parts particularly hit home for me:

"The pure love of Christ can remove the scales of resentment and wrath from our eyes, allowing us to see others the way our Heavenly Father sees us: as flawed and imperfect mortals who have potential and worth far beyond our capacity to imagine. Because God loves us so much, we too must love and forgive each other. ... 

... In a world of accusations and unfriendliness, it is easy to gather and cast stones. But before we do so, let us remember the words of the One who is our Master and model: 'He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.' ...

... Brothers and sisters, there is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment. We are not perfect. The people around us are not perfect. People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way.  

Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord's way. 

Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive. 

Lay your burden at the Savior's feet. Let go of judgment. Allow Christ's Atonement to change and heal your heart. Love one another. Forgive one another. The merciful will obtain mercy."

Forgiven- Greg Olsen

Amen!

My entire life all I really wanted when I grew up was to be a wife and mother. I didn't want fame and fortune, just a loving husband and kiddos who called me "Mom". Well apparently I'm not the only one who feels the same way. On one of the blogs I read (on my sidebar under "Dripping With Passion"), she did a wonderful post about her desires for motherhood. As I was reading I just kept thinking in my head, "YES! This is exactly how I feel!!" So instead of writing my own post on the same subject, I'm just posting a link to hers because she wrote it all out so much more eloquently than I ever could. So without further ado... here's the link: I Want A Baby.

*And just a note- I want a husband BEFORE any babies come!! ;)

Lake Powell... Camping Style

So last week I went to Lake Powell... again. I tell ya- I can't get enough of that place! This time it was the camping trip, which is a VERY different trip than the houseboat. I personally prefer the houseboat, it's so much easier for me. However, the camping is still really fun.

All who went:
Allen (uncle), Jodi (Allen's daughter), Sienna, Savannah, Whitney, & Kallie (Jodi's 4 daughters)
Marci & Dave (aunt & uncle), Wendi & Eric (Marci's daughter & her husband), Lexi, Micki, & Hunter (Wendi & Eric's 3 kids)
Mom, Dad, & Me

The next 3 photos were not taken by me but by my cousin Micki. I stole them off facebook. ;)

This was our camp spot. It was fantastic in my opinion for 3 main reasons. 1) It was large. 2) The sand was packed & wet (not the white loose sand) which is great cause it doesn't blow in your face/food when it's windy AND I can use my walker to get around! 3) It was shady for quite a while in the morning and pretty early in the evenings. It WASN'T fantastic in 1 really major way- it was really muddy/mucky walking out to the boat. I'm talking the kind where you step and sink a foot up to your knees in mud. Made for interesting transportation when I was carried to and from the boat and camp!

Whitney, Sienna, Wendi, Lexi, Savannah, Marci, Dave, Me
(Not pictured: Allen, Jodi, Kallie, Eric, Micki, Hunter, Mom, Dad)

Marina run for gas, ice, and of course... ice-cream!!!

Absolutely gorgeous in my opinion. This was on the last night- sunset boat ride back to camp from the marina.  I love the color the rocks turn when the sun sets. SO PRETTY!! How I wish I could just jump into the picture... *sigh*

Activities:
-Sight seeing up canyons
-Lunch up 7 Mile Canyon under a shady overhang
-Mom skiing for 45 minutes... straight
-Swimming (You can't beat 80+ degree water!)
-Campfires- eating s'mores & reminiscing memories
-Playing games in a tent while it's pouring rain outside
-Sleeping out in the boat & tent
-Reading on boat rides

And finally 2 quotes from Jodi's 4 year old daughter, Whitney that I thought was so cute/hilarious...
*So there was a HUGE daddy-longlegs spider at the top of the bathroom cover/tent. Of course it was there when I was using the bathroom. Just my luck. Anyways- so Whitney was right there for the whole thing and my mom tells her- go find someone brave to come kill it. So she went up to her grandpa, Allen, and asks him, "Grandpa, are you brave enough to come kill this spider?" (My mom was the one who actually ended up killing it.)

*Allen, Jodi and her kids came and rode in our boat one time to/from the marina. On the way back to camp, she's sitting by me and asks the question, "Why is your boat super awesome?"

It definitely was a fantastic way to close out the summer! Now here's to fall adventures, which for me includes starting my service mission. Wish me luck!!!

My Family Is Awesome

... here's the proof to back that statement up:

Notice how about half the people somehow missed the memo to make a goofy face? Almost makes it more funny in my opinion.

My personal favorite is Kate, but all are fantastic.
I love my family.

-all photo credits to Mike Rogers

Heaven on Earth... aka Lake Powell with the Fam

Lake Powell is my all-time favorite place in the world. There's no other place on earth like it. There's just a magic there you can't find anywhere else. Whenever I'm there I feel completely at home and at peace. 

How can you not fall in love with a place with these views?

Photo Credit: Spencer- the sunrise

Photo Credit: Tiffany- sunset after a storm
(Hope you don't mind I put these pictures on my blog too. I just absolutely LOVE them..)

We usually go once in June, and then again in August. Well this summer we didn't go until last week. I've been itching all summer to get down there! But it was more than well worth the wait. My entire family headed down, something that hasn't happened in over 2 years. (Tiffany had never even been down with the O'Gwins!) It was SO MUCH FUN having everyone together 24/7 for an entire week. 

*Note: No one, and I mean no one, looks great at Lake Powell. If you do- you're not experiencing Lake Powell properly. So no judging on how we look in the pictures.

If you look closely, you'll see that Matt and the kids are doing friendship bracelets. This was a common activity on the trip. The kids loved making them!!

A huge phenomenon that swept the Jackman Clan this trip was Sudoku. That's a Sudoku book in Tiffany's hands. She, Mike, Stacy & Chris, Matt, & my Dad were all obsessed.

I feel this accurately depicts how Kylie was during the trip- glued to her mom's lap! She did NOT want anyone else to help her & never wanted to be separated from her mommy. But she sure is a cutie!!

Sorry Matt- but it's too funny & cute of the kids to not include.

Tiff was so cute with the kids. She brought down all these projects to do with them throughout the week. The kids loved it! They made these cool sponge balls, sock puppets, noodle artwork, watercolors, etc.

I can't get over how cute she is!! I love her hair too- it was like this the entire trip. 

Lake Powell buddies! We're raising the next generation right- indoctrinating them to love Lake Powell!!!

One of the best things at Lake Powell? Being so hot you think you're literally melting and then jumping into the lake, being instantly cooled down. Love it.

Photo Credit: Spencer

Photo Credit: Spencer
Stacy & Chris found this cool spot on the lake- as you can see, there's a shallow spot which creates a pool in the middle of the lake. In the picture above this, you can see how the rock rises to create a cool place to go cliff jumping. 

Photo Credit: Tiffany
The kids were OBSESSED with going down the slide & jumping off the houseboat. They did it over & over & over & over again all day long. The kids kept count, and apparently some went down over 200 times. Crazy!

Makai's face kills me! So cute!!

This happens a lot. Having fun is tiring.

Above 2 pictures: Eating lunch at Antelope Point Marina & watching the Olympics.

They enjoyed lots of games of horseshoe each night once the sun went down.

Lots of games were played throughout the trip. Gave us enough time to dry off & get hot again so we could jump back in the water!

This is typically where the kids sat in the boat. Don't worry, they had lots more fun than what's depicted on Jaden's face. ;)

One day we decided to pack a lunch, and then head out sight-seeing up some canyons before we found a shady spot for lunch.

Other activities not pictured:

- Watching movies & having a "popcorn party" with ice-cream

- Celebrating Kylie's birthday with My Little Pony cupcakes

- Chris, Mike, & Spencer eating Jelly Beans flavored "rotten eggs", "moldy cheese", "vomit", "baby wipes", "pencil shavings", & "dog food" --> makes for excellent entertainment!!

- Aly & Jaden learning how to wakeboard

- Reading my book on the back of the houseboat, watching the sunset.

- Jet-Ski rides

- A fire & making s'mores 

- Looking at the stars- we saw so many cool shooting stars one night. That's one of my all time favorite things about Lake Powell... looking at the stars at night. So breathtakingly gorgeous. 

It was a fantastic trip that went by WAY TO FAST!! I'm sad it's over, but already looking forward to the next family Lake Powell trip!