Great News!!

(I think so at least...)

I got a job!!!

'Where?' you might ask. .... With LDS Family Services!

To answer your question: yes I do have to end my missionary service to be employed for them.

Let me start at the beginning.

Right before Thanksgiving a part time secretary got another job elsewhere (she needed benefits and therefore needed a full-time job). Now it's quite the process apparently for LDS Family Services to know whether or not they're going to hire someone new. Mainly because it's not completely up to them. They need to get approval from downtown "higher up" people on whether they can hire- and how many people they can hire. Approval is apparently based on a formula (based on what exactly I'm not sure- but it supposedly justifies whether or not our office really needs another secretary or not).

Anyhoo- one day while I was there, Gail (the manager of the 'support staff' as the secretaries are known by) asked me, "What if we hired you?" I laughed in her face. I completely blew it off because I thought to myself, 'Hello- see the badge on my shoulder? I'm a service missionary!' But that comment from her got me thinking- 'What if I did actually apply and got hired? Mmm- maybe I should seriously consider this!'

I went back and asked them (Gail and the office manager- Kris) if they were serious and what they truthfully thought about me applying for the job. They both were so supportive and Kris was practically begging me to apply- which made me feel really good. It's nice to know they enjoy having me there as much as I enjoy being there. :)

Soooo- I went for it! I submitted my resume 2 days later, had an interview a week later (which was 2 days ago) and got the official job offer later that same day. I have an appointment scheduled with my bishop this Sunday morning to get released from my service mission. My official start date will be next Wednesday, December 26th.

Interestingly enough- I'll be there for less hours a week than I was as a service missionary. As as missionary I was there 24 hours a week. As an employee I'll only be there 19 hours a week. And I'm honestly sad about that fact. I really do love spending my days there and being with all the amazing people there. But I'm so happy knowing this experience won't end in a year or two when the mission would've been there. They're stuck with me indefinitely! ;)

This whole experience has just left me grateful and in amazement of how the Lord orchestrates and plans out our lives. So glad to know He has a plan and is in charge. Life is good!  

Gender Equality Within the LDS Church

So gender equality within the church has been on my mind a lot lately. This was brought about by the Facebook event/page "Wear Pants to Church Day". Basically a group of women are trying to draw attention to perceived gender inequality in the church by wearing pants instead of a dress/skirt to church. I'll say this about it: I personally have never felt in any way discriminated against or second class in the church due to my gender. And I don't feel the need to wear pants to outwardly demonstrate my equality with the men also in attendance. However, if women choose to wear pants to church- while I might not agree with their choices- I will still love, respect, and welcome them.

Through all of this, I was introduced to this amazing article that talks about the stance and doctrinal perspective the Church has on gender equality. I believe every church member (and really- even nonmembers who might have misconceptions about this issue and the Church) should read this article. For me it explained so many different things clearly and simply, and answered many questions I've had for a long time (especially concerning Adam and Eve).

It's a little long, but I promise well worth the read!!! Here's the link: I'm a Mormon Because I'm a Feminist

Draper Temple

I am continually grateful at how blessed I am to be a part of the Gospel. Especially when I go to the temple. And can I just say how much I love going there?! There's just no other place on earth like it. So much beauty and peace to be found there. I love it. It was fun going inside still light outside and then come outside to it being dark and having the temple all lit up. The Christmas lights on the surrounding houses especially added a nice touch to the whole experience.

Service Mission Update

So it's been awhile since I've talked about how my service mission is going. I'm very happy to report that all is going really well! I've stopped feeling so overwhelmed by everything. I finally feel like I've found a good rhythm and that I have a good handle on what I'm supposed to do while I'm there. I get asked a lot: "So what exactly do you do?" Let me answer that for ya.

• I make confirmation calls for the appointments the next day.
• When clients come in they take an assessment called an OQ (Outcome Questionnaire) on a Kindle Fire. This assessment tracks how clients progress through counseling. In order to set up the OQ on the Kindle Fire, we need to input their birthday & unique medical number. Therefore it's my job to print out a Column of Appointments (list of all the clients coming in for the day) for the following day, and write down the clients medical number next to their names (birthdays are already printed out on the Column of Appts.) I usually do this as I'm making confirmation calls. No sense in writing someone's medical number down if they're just going to cancel on me! ;)
• The OQ scores are tracked in the program called... OQ Analyst (clever huh?). It's my job to put clients information into this OQ Analyst program so that when we program them into the Kindle Fire- a test will come up for them to take! 
• We also use programs called Advanced MD and Blue Step. Eventually Blue Step and OQ Analyst will be able to "talk" to each other. In order to do that- I have to take the client's medical number and put it into a special place in Blue Step along with the specific OQ test they're taking.
• I know that none of that may have made sense to anyone else. If not- just know I do some stuff on computers with some numbers. ;) Also- no worries... we keep each clients information confidential. I promise.
• I work on Adoption Study Summary write-ups. (Occasionally I've even been able to sit in on interviews with adoptive couples.) When adoptive couples go through the process, they have to write up answers to several different questions (questions about their childhood, their marriage, their education, etc.). I take the answers that they've written (which have already been entered into the computer thankfully!) and write it up into a more comprehensible (in the sense that it flows together), condensed, legal document. This document is taken to court during the adoptive process. Not sure if it's before or after a child is placed with them.
• I scan in adoption and clinical paperwork into the computer.
• I answer phones (my least favorite part, because you never know what you're going to get when you answer the phone. And I hate when someone calls in and I don't know how to help them. But that still just takes time and practice. I'm slowly getting there with this one.
• Any other odds and end tasks they ask me to do (like make copies, organize the playroom, go to meetings, etc.)

So yeah- somedays I can stay pretty busy and other days are slower. But overall I still really enjoy going and serving. However I've realized I don't enjoy serving because of what I do. I mean scanning papers isn't that stimulating if I'm being honest. I enjoy serving because of who I'm with. I honestly LOVE the people there. Yes, I have some favorites. But I genuinely like every single person there. I even love the security guard who comes into our little office to see how we're doing and who talks to me as I sit at the main front reception desk. They are all wonderful people.

Speaking of the front reception desk. Remember how I was complaining about that? Well I've made some interesting discoveries while doing that. 

• I discovered I really really enjoy being able to look outside. Inside the Family Services office there are no windows except for in the therapists' offices. So it's nice to actually see outside while I'm at the front desk. 
• I discovered it makes for some pretty great people watching sometimes. Kids sure do love revolving doors. Enough said.
• I discovered I like sitting at the front reception desk on Wednesday nights, but not on Saturdays. On Wednesday nights it's only from 5:30-9 pm and is a great way to break up the day and give me a change of scenery. Plus the security guard comes and talks to me the majority of the time. So it goes by super fast. However, on Saturday's it's from 8 am- 5 pm and it's only just me by myself. Gets kind of lonely and boring on Saturdays. Luckily I only have to do the 2nd and 4th Wednesday & Saturday of the month at the front desk! But it honestly isn't nearly as bad as I originally thought it would be.

So in summary- the service mission is going great! I've gotten over being completely overwhelmed and am now just enjoying the experience. I truly am so incredibly grateful for this opportunity to serve. However- I have a suspicion that I'm gaining a lot more out of this experience than anyone else. But isn't that true no matter how/where you serve? 

The gospel is amazing and I'm so blessed & grateful to be a part of it!!

It's Christmas Time!!

I LOVE Christmas. It's my absolute favorite time of year. In fact, I enjoy the day after Thanksgiving MORE than Thanksgiving itself. My mom and I spend practically the whole day decorating the house for Christmas, we go out and get our Christmas tree, and finally listen to Christmas music! (We're strict and don't listen to Christmas before Thanksgiving. We take one holiday at a time.) I thought to start off the Christmas season, I'd post a link to a story that I posted to my blog clear back in May in my "From Facebook" 'series'. For me at least- this story beautifully explains the true meaning of Christmas, and how we can keep that meaning with us all year long. The story is: The Three Levels of Christmas.

While you're reading that, here's a link to my favorite Christmas song, The Holy Child- by Afterglow.

In my opinion- this truly is "the most wonderful time of the year!" ... Now if only it would snow. Here's to hoping for a white Christmas!!

My Day of Thanksgiving

I didn't take any pictures. Sorry. But I still want to document this year's Thanksgiving anyways.

First is bowling. My brothers have started this "tournament" with a set of rules, trophy and all. This year the trophy went to Matt. Wish I'd gotten a picture of the trophy cause it is AWESOME.

After bowling we went home and stuffed our faces with delicious food. Some decided to recover from eating by watching a movie and others (me) decided to read a book. After everyone had sufficiently recovered (and the movie was over) then the games began! Along with more stuffing of our faces, but this time with pie instead of turkey and mashed potatoes.

While it was a simple Thanksgiving, it was still a lot of fun. I can't think of a better way to celebrate the holidays than by spending it with family. And that's exactly what I did- so it was a success!!

Here's a small, small list of some things I'm thankful for- it would take way too long to make a comprehensive list:

1. My family & friends
2. My health
3. The freedoms I enjoy by living in this great country
4. Those who have in the past- and currently- sacrifice so much to fight for & protect those freedoms
5. My car
6. Music & Movies- entertainment
7. Modern technology & modern medicine
8. To have ample access to food- I don't wonder when/where my next meal is coming from.
9. To have warm, clean clothes & shoes
10. A roof over my head- that feels like home
11. My education & college degree
12. The opportunity to serve my Service Mission
13. The beauties of nature

However, above all else I'm thankful that I was raised and taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And not only was I taught, but I'm thankful that I gained my own testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel. And of course I'm thankful for all the Gospel encompasses. Just a few:

• The Savior & Redeemer of the World
• The Atonement provided by the Savior
• The Plan of Salvation
• The Scriptures- particularly the Book of Mormon
• Prayer
• A modern day Prophet & Apostles
• Temples & the covenants that are made therein
• The Priesthood
• My Patriarchal Blessing

I truly live an incredibly blessed life and I have so so much to be thankful for! I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with good food, family & friends, and most of all- time to reflect on all you have to be thankful for in your life. 

If I could... would I?

Let me elaborate on that question a little bit. Help you make sense of what I'm really asking. Which is this:

If I could choose to wake up tomorrow and not be disabled- would I?

It seems like such a dumb question with such an obvious answer. How could the answer be anything but "yes", right?

This is a question I've thought about for hours. And I go back and forth between yes and no. And here's why:

We'll start with why I would say "Yes":

If I were to sum up my feelings about being disabled in one word it'd be frustrating. It's frustrating to always have to adapt and find a unique way to accomplish a goal/task. It's frustrating that it takes me 3x longer to accomplish something than it does for everyone else. It's frustrating to know that whenever I'm out in public, kids (and people in general) are staring at me. It's frustrating that my body will randomly hurt for no reason at all and then be completely fine after a couple of days. It's frustrating to always have to think about whether a place/building is handicap accessible when I go out. It's frustrating to live in a society that is so focused on superficial beauty, and how you look on the outside (especially if you're a girl); and have a body that doesn't even slightly come close to fitting in with the world's definition. The list goes on and on...

There is not one single day where I don't at one point think to myself, "If I wasn't handicap- this situation I'm in right now would be so much easier!" Even small things like getting the mail, checking out a book from the library, wanting to reach something up high, etc. Being disabled effects EVERY ASPECT of my life in one way or another.

However, here's why I might say "No":

First and foremost, I believe- no I KNOW (thanks to my Patriarchal Blessing)- that there is a divine purpose to why I am disabled. I know that this is Heavenly Father's will for my life. If it wasn't His will, I wouldn't be disabled. Simple as that.

Being disabled has also given me, and others, many blessings throughout my life. It has helped strengthen my testimony of the gospel more than any other part of my life has. It has made me more spiritually inclined and in tune. It's made my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior deeper and stronger.

Being disabled has made me who I am (however it does NOT define me as a person. There's a big difference, I promise.). And while I have my many flaws and aspects I don't like about myself- on the whole I do like the person I am today. I am more compassionate and empathetic than I otherwise would be. I am able to adapt to situations/circumstances. I have learned how to not let hardships be an excuse for not being successful in life. Instead I've learned how to overcome hardships and make me a stronger person. I've learned how to not measure my self-worth by my outside appearance and the world's definition of beauty (remember above in the "yes" section).

Those are some pretty amazing blessings I'd have missed out on if I wasn't disabled huh?

So here's the short-ish answer to my really long explanation:

Ultimately, yes I would choose to take away my disability and wake up tomorrow in a normal body. The chance to live a life without all the added struggles and frustrations of being disabled sounds absolutely fantastic! HOWEVER, (and this is really important) I wouldn't be any more happy in life if that were to happen than I am right now- disability and all. 

Don't get me wrong- I'd be deliriously ecstatic if I were to wake up tomorrow in a normal body. But overall in my life- I'd be just as happy with a normal body as I am now with my disabled body. Because although life is really frustrating and hard; it's also fantastically good too. 

To just name a few reasons: My disability could be so much worse, and I'm blessed with all the abilities I do have- and how independent I actually am. I am in good health (I could be suffering from a life-threatening disease). I have an amazing family that love and support me in all I do. I have wonderful friends who accept me just the way I am. I have clothes on my back- and in a closet! I have food in my stomach- and in the pantry/fridge! I have a roof over my head that feels like home. I have an education, and a degree to go along with it! I have a car that gives me independence. I have good finances. I think you get the point... I have so much to be grateful for in my life.

However, most importantly than all of that is I have a strong testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Which teaches me that I will someday receive a perfected body- and THAT body is mine for eternity. Knowing that makes it slightly easier to be patient in this life with my disabled body. The gospel also teaches me that while I am waiting, I have a Savior who knows exactly what I am experiencing and how I feel. And He is there comforting and blessing me every step of the way.

*Here's a link to another, much shorter, post I did on my body awhile ago: My Body. Enjoy!

My Favorite Scripture

"2. For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulation the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven.

3. Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.

4. For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand."

- D&C 58: 2-4

Halloween Festivities

A couple of Sunday's before Halloween we decided to carve some pumpkins:

We put Makai inside the pumpkin too- she HATED it. Poor girl. And Camren only did it cause his dad told him he'd pay him $1 to do it.

Go Utes!!

Then the Saturday before Halloween (Oct. 27) was the annual Halloween party my aunt Marci gives. As you can see I put a lot of thought and effort into my "costume" and went as a missionary. Which was doubly convient because I served that Saturday. Laura was my "companion". Aren't we cute?

On actual Halloween, I dressed up as a witch (again- all about convience and easiness!) for my service mission. Yes it felt a little weird putting the badge on dressed as a witch...

An accurate depiction of how I feel about spiders!

I wasn't the only one who dressed up for Halloween at my service however...

This is Brenda. She's my absolute favorite. She's just the sweetest lady ever. And yes I'm surprised myself that I could even stand to look at the spider on her head. *shudders*

Here's the Johnston Crew all decked out in their costumes:

Jaden- Minecraft character; Makai- Bumblebee; Camren- Vampire

And oh yeah, that's my dad in the Grim Reaper costume holding Makai. He sits super still in a rocking chair holding a bowl of candy with a sign that says "Take 1 Please". It is HILARIOUS watching from inside the house kids stand at the bottom of our porch steps egging each other on to be the brave one and go get the candy. And then when they finally do come up, they stand as far back as possible but still reach the candy. Pure entertainment I tell ya!

So if you're like me- you had no idea what the heck "Minecraft" was. So while I was impressed with Jaden's costume before (which he made himself by the way), I'm 100x  more impressed after having Googled images of Minecraft. That kid has serious artistic skills. Wouldn't you agree?!

So while my dad was outside dealing with the trick-or-treaters, my mom and I were inside watching this show:

Yes... we own all the seasons. Well the seasons with the original Darrin that is. ;)

I may not have been alive when this was originally on, but I love it just as much as if I had been. I absolutely love Samantha. And how can you beat a good, CLEAN, hilarous (in my opinion at least) TV show?! That's nearly impossible to find these days. 

All in all- I consider it a successful year for Halloween. But I'm MORE than happy to see all the spider decorations disappear- until next year that is... 

Hopefully all of you only got treats and no tricks!! Happy Halloween!!!

Bread vs Stones

You must watch the video first so you have context of where this post is coming from. 

When I saw this video I thought about the times in my life when I've felt that I received stones instead of bread. It seems to me that those times come when those around you are receiving the bread you so desperately seek and you're told to wait... it's not your time yet. Or you're given a different type of bread altogether than you wanted. Especially when your desire for that particular bread is a genuinely righteous desire. 

An example in my life: being a wife and mother... or lack thereof. It's hard when it seems like everyone around you is getting married and having kids to not get impatient and jealous.

However I do firmly believe that God does have a plan for my life. He's in charge and He knows exactly what He's doing. And I'm constantly trying to remind myself that God's timetable extends into eternity. Therefore just because something doesn't happen now or in this life does NOT mean it won't ever happen. God keeps His promises. I know this. I've been promised I will be sealed to righteous man and take my place as a mother in a family. I don't know when this will happen, but I know it will happen. And when it does- I'm sure it's going to be so much better and so much harder than I ever could imagine. I can't wait!! 

P.S. You know how she talks about the "Plan A" and then "Plan K", etc. at the beginning of the video? That's totally me! If my life had gone according to my plan (created sometime in high school, or before) I'd have:

• gone to the University of Utah
• graduated in elementary education and become a kindergarten teacher
• met Prince Charming summer before my senior year of college
• gotten married to Prince Charming summer after graduating from college (I want to date at least a year before getting married... that hasn't changed over the years)
• been a teacher for a year and then gotten pregnant
• become a stay-at-home mom once I had my baby (I still hope to be a stay-at-home mom whenever/however I have kids)

Instead I:

• went to Westminster College
• majored in Psychology with dreams of becoming a therapist
• and am now serving a Service Mission instead of marriage and diapers ;)

And although it's a different life than I imagined, I know without a doubt I'm where I'm supposed to be; doing what I need to be doing. And it's turning out to be a great life so far. I got asked once in an elevator up at Snowbird if I was happy. I answered without hesitation, Yes! And I can still answer that same question with firm resolve- YES!! Life is hard, but it is good. 

The thing that kills me is- I'm only 22! I can't wait to see how unexpectedly different life continues to turn out in the coming years. Glad to know that Heavenly Father is actively involved and directing my life. I might not always understand His will and timing, but I know it's perfect. And I know He loves me. Therefore I can trust in His will and timing.

Temple Square

So there was a devotional held for all Church Service Missionaries that I attended on Sunday. It was held in the Tabernacle building downtown. It was a great devotional in which I left feeling uplifted and inspired. After the devotional I asked my mom (who came with me- thanks again Mom!) if it would be alright if we stopped by and saw the Christus. So that's exactly what we did...

Here's a picture of part of the mural that wraps around behind the Christus.
I thought it was so pretty.

He truly is the Savior and Redeemer of the World.
I could feel His love for me while I was there.

A Perfect Body

“A perfect body is not required to achieve a divine destiny. In fact, some of the sweetest spirits are housed in frail frames. Great spiritual strength is often developed by those with physical challenges precisely because they are challenged. Such individuals are entitled to all the blessings that God has in store for His faithful and obedient children.

“Eventually the time will come when each ‘spirit and … body shall be reunited again in … perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame’ (Alma 11:43). Then, thanks to the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can become perfected in Him.”

—Russell M. Nelson

Makai Kimber Johnston

"An adopted child isn’t an unloved child; rather, one that was loved so much by someone who was willing to sacrifice her greatest accomplishment so that child could have more than just her love.  Someone who is willing to break her own heart to mend others; someone who watches others tears of joy through her tears of sorrow.

By adopting a child and helping them reach their potential, they help us reach ours.  An adopted child is not an unwanted child; to the contrary.  They are a child who was searched for, prayed for, cried for, begged for; received by arms that ached, making empty hearts full." -Unknown

Makai Kimber Johnston.
So far, my favorite picture of her.

For those who may not know, my sister, Laura, and her husband adopted their daughter, Makai, a little over a year and a half ago. They had their 2 boys, Jaden & Camren, without any troubles. Then they tried for 5 years to get pregnant again with no success. Finally they were blessed to adopt this sweet girl who (I believe) was always meant to be in our family anyways. :)

You can read her story from my sister's blog here, here, here, and here. Seeing that the last time she posted, Makai was only a few months old and now she's 19 months old... I'd say it's time she updated. ;) Love ya Laura!

**So I had this post saved in drafts forever. I was planning on publishing the post on her birthday, March 1st. However, I accidentally prematurely pushed "publish" tonight. I know that even if I push "revert to draft" and then "publish" later, the post will be put here in this time/place and no one will see it. So I guess I'll just publish it now. Enjoy the randomness and cuteness of this little girl who's managed to wrap us all around her little finger.**

Oquirrh Mountain Temple + Some LDS Quotes

Made it to another temple on my "Temple Tour"! This time it was to the Oquirrh Mt. Temple (Hence the title of this post...) with my mom. It was beautiful and fun to remember back to the last time I'd been through this temple, which was the open house. It was just as beautiful as I remembered! I love going to the temple, especially with my mom. 

And to give this post a little more substance- here's some posts I found on Facebook that I love. Enjoy!

-Sister Ann M. Dibb

Butterfield Canyon

I really REALLY wanted to take a drive up the mountains to see the fall leaves. So Tuesday morning, my parents and I woke up early (so we would be done before my service mission at noon) and headed out to... you guessed it- Butterfield Canyon. It was exactly what I was looking for and a fantastic way to start out the day! I am in continual awe of how gorgeous this earth truly is. God sure knows what He's doing doesn't He?! 

We saw deer EVERYWHERE along the sides of the road. We also saw some wild turkey- however there's no photo evidence. You'll just have to take my word for it. (They really are ugly birds...) 

My personal favorite.

Love/Hate Relationship with Halloween

Love:

       -The tradition of Trick-or-Treating…as a kid

       -Decorating the house with my Mom
         -“Sounds of Halloween” tape (including: Ghostbusters,  Thriller, 
                 The Monster Mash, & Purple People Eater)

       -Carving Pumpkins

       -Carmel Apples

       -Holiday Traditions (My Aunt’s Costume Party)

       -Cute kid’s costumes

       -Ghostbuster’s –the movie

       -Beautiful fall weather

       -CANDY!!
         -Knowing Thannksgiving and CHRISTMAS are just around the corner

Hate:

       -Slutty costumes girls wear
        -Answering the door for Trick-or-Treaters… as an adult 
              (forget about a relaxing evening at home!)
      -The “Scary” aspect of Halloween (Haunted Houses, Movies, etc.)
              I HATE anything remotely scary!! I don’t get an adrenaline rush or 
              find  it fun… I have a heart attack instead.
      -SPIDERS everywhere!!! Hello- I’m an arachnophobic here!!

Sacrifice

Here's the deal- when I interviewed with LDSFS about a service mission, they asked if I could serve on the 2nd and 4th Saturday's of the month at the main front reception desk for the entire building. I said yes, however I REALLY didn't want to. I like having my weekends open. Lots of family activities happen on Saturday's since that's when most people don't work. Plus, I think it's kind of silly that Family Services has to cover the front reception desk at all since they're not opened on Saturday. Only Family Search is open. So in my opinion, I think they should have to cover the front reception desk every Saturday. But that's just me.

Anyways, when I served my first Saturday (2 weeks ago), a lady from Family Search also showed up to cover the front reception desk. She was surprised I was there, stating that she thought Family Services wasn't covering Saturday's anymore. So I told this to the people in Family Services and stated that if this was possible, that's what I would prefer. The lady in charge said yes, that'd be fine. I was so happy/relieved. Especially since spending 9 hours at the reception desk was well... to be frank- boring. Yes I brought my scriptures and a book, and I was on the computer for a while. But for 9 hours?! That's a long time. 

Well fast forward to this week (this Saturday being the 4th Saturday of the month) and I find out that no- the lady from Family Search was misinformed and Family Services (meaning me) still does need to cover the 2nd and 4th Saturday's. In addition, I am now also covering the front reception desk Wednesday nights from 5:30-9. 

When I found this out I was not happy. In my mind I was thinking to myself, "I came to be a service missionary to LDS Family Services, NOT to the Riverton Office Building front reception desk!" I couldn't seem to get over it. I was full out throwing a hissy fit in my mind over the whole thing. (Don't worry, only in my mind. My feelings were not expressed to the people I serve with. At least not verbally. ;)) 

Then... I had a breakthrough today. The thought came to me (and I firmly believe it was divine communication, not just my own thoughts) something along the lines of- Every mission requires sacrifice in some form or another. You were willing to sacrifice everything- leave everything you've ever known for 18 months to serve a full-time mission- and now that your mission is here at home you're not willing to sacrifice anything? That if it's not exactly how you imagined/want it to be- you're not going to be happy about it? You won't receive as many blessings as you could with that attitude.

Needless to say I was immediately humbled. When you calculate it out, that's only 24 Saturday's in a year. 24 Saturday's in a year- heck in a lifetime?! Yeah I think I can give that to the Lord. Now I'm told that there's a chance things might change and I won't have to do Saturday's anymore sometime in the future. And I won't lie- if that happens, I'll be thrilled. But in the mean time, I'm choosing to have a better attitude about serving on Saturday's from now on. I know I'll blessed for the service, and more so with a good attitude.

*Merely for documenting purposes for myself- when I serve on Saturday's, I serve Tuesday & Wednesday during the week. The weeks I don't serve on Saturday, then I serve Tuesday, Wednesday, & Thursday.

**Also on an unrelated note- I found out more information about being involved with adoption cases, and I am so excited!! They want me to sit in on interviews with adoptive parents, actually go to their homes to tag along on home-studies, and then help write up case study notes. The case study notes might not be so much fun, but sitting in on interviews and being involved in home-studies sounds so exciting to me. 

I have a very special place in my heart for adoption ever since my sister and brother-in-law, Laura & Mike, adopted their adorable little girl, Makai. I love her just as much as my other nieces/nephews, and can't imagine our family without her. It just wouldn't be complete. 

Anyways... at the end of the day- the gospel is true and therefore life is good. 

My Service Mission... Initial Thoughts

So the two people that read my blog may or may not be interested in how my service mission is going so far. But either way, I want to document this experience because this is an important experience in my life.

As stated earlier in previous posts, I've never worked at a job before. As such, this has been an incredibly overwhelming experience so far. I had absolutely no idea what to expect before I started. I'm a perfectionist, and impatient. I hate having to wait out the "learning curve" as I make mistakes trying to learn everything I need to know to be successful serving at LDS Family Services (LDSFS). But some things just take time, and my second week was a lot better than my first week. That first week I honestly thought to myself, "What in the world have I gotten myself into, and how can I get out of it?" I would just sit there as they would explain their computer programs thinking, "Yeah- that all makes sense. But could I do all you just said on my own? NO!" And everything is so much more detailed than I could've imagined. It's definitely an eye-opening experience to the intricacies of how an office works. My appreciation for all secretaries do in every office has increased a hundred fold these past two weeks.

I'll admit it's an adjustment going from school being surrounded by my peers all roughly my same age to working with women a lot older than me. But I'm so grateful to these women and the other therapists who I serve with. They'll never know how much their patience, kindness, and understanding has meant to me. In fact, when my missionary badge finally came the second week, two of the ladies sang "Happy Missionary Day to you!" to the tune of 'Happy Birthday'. Made my day.

It's also been an adjustment getting used to my service schedule. I serve Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday from 12- 9 p.m. One unexpected thing I love about serving at night, is that as I drive home along Bangerter Hwy, I get to see the Oquirrh Mt. Temple all lit up. And as I was driving home one night, I thought to myself: there is symbolism is seeing the beautiful bright white temple against the dark night sky. The world is a dark, scary, confusing, and often-times evil place. But the gospel/temple is a bright light that beckons others to come unto it. Through the gospel (and literally in temples) we can find an escape from the world, receive peace that can't be found anywhere else, gain clarity in our lives, and feel the love God has for His children. I hope that makes sense to you as it does in my mind. Whether or not it does- it's a great way to end a day of service driving past the temple each night.

As my stress levels have gone down slightly, I've been able to start appreciating my service mission. I love being surrounded by people who hold my same values/beliefs. I love looking around the office and seeing paintings of Christ on almost every wall. I love being part of an organization that is helping people overcome their struggles through the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I love knowing that there are so many resources available in the community to help people. (We often have to refer people who call in to outside resources. I had no idea that so many different resources even existed. There really is help available if people need and are willing to accept it.) I love just knowing that there are people out there who are actively working to overcome their problems, rather than take the easy road and succumb to the problem. Serving at LDSFS has made my desire to one day be a counselor grow, and I'm more determined than ever to make that happen.

As you can tell- it's been a lot of emotions. And it's only been two weeks! I'll definitely be keeping you updated on how this experience goes. I can't wait to see what's ahead.

Two Temples in 48 Hours...

... makes for an excellent weekend. 

When I went through the temple, I decided I wanted to do a "Temple Tour". My best friend, McKinzi, lives in St. George and since that's only an hour and a half away from Las Vegas, we decided that I'd come down for a weekend sometime and visit both temples.

Well this past weekend we made it happen. I don't think the timing could've worked out more perfectly. It was so much fun to see her one more time before she has her baby girl, and to get away from the stress I've been feeling since starting the service mission (more on that in the next post).

McKinzi was a bum and wouldn't get in the picture with me. But in her defense- no one else was around to take it for us. And since she's 9 months pregnant... I let it slide and just let her take a picture of me. I wanted something to remember it by. Hmmm, maybe I'll get a picture at each temple I visit. I like that idea... a lot.

St. George Temple

Las Vegas Temple
*Note I wore red to show my support for the Utes... GO UTES!

So far, the Las Vegas celestial room is my favorite I've been in. It was GORGEOUS! Not that all celestial rooms aren't beautiful, because they are. But the Las Vegas celestial room literally took my breath away. McKinzi and I stayed in there for an hour just talking and enjoying the spirit that is so easily felt there.

Funny story while in Las Vegas: After the session we were both starving for dinner. So we looked on the GPS and chose a place called Carmine's Italian Cafe. I figured- why not be a little adventurous and try something new? So we're driving, and as I'm being directed to turn into a residential neighborhood I start to just laugh, but figure- who knows maybe this is a short cut or something. McKinzi on the other hand, says "Oh my gosh, it's going to be some podunk place out of someone's garage!" Sure enough, we pull in front of a cul-de-sac with no sign of an Italian cafe anywhere. Oh my heck, we both died laughing in the car. Needless to say- we pulled off to the side of the road and promptly chose Applebee's instead... a place we both knew existed! Made for a great memory I'll cherish for years to come though! 

I love going to the temple for so many reasons. I loving feeling the calm and peace found there. The world is so loud, and I love the contrast the temple offers. I love that I am an equal in the temple. I love that I don't care that I'm physically disabled while in the temple. I do my best with the abilities I have with my body, and I know that that's enough. I love the eternal perspective I gain when I'm there. I love the motivation I feel to be a better person after going to the temple. I love feeling the Spirit and feeling more deeply that God loves me because I am His daughter. I'm so grateful to live in such close proximity to so many temples and I look forward to the opportunities of visiting those temples in the near future.

Growing

The attitude I'm trying to keep as I start my service mission. I really don't like changes/not knowing what to expect. But I do think this will ultimately be a great experience and I'll learn (and grow!) a lot.

Changing Myself

One major life lesson I've learned from my mom (and is being proved again and again from my own life experiences) is that the only person you can change is yourself. No matter how much you desire and how hard you try to change others- it will all be futile. It's part of God's plan for His children. We were given the gift of agency and therefore we are responsible for our own actions- not others. However, an interesting thing about human nature is that it is a million times easier to see the changes that need to be made in others than see what needs to be changed in ourselves.

In my life there's a person I would desperately love to change. This person is someone with whom I should have a close relationship with, but I don't. It's a very strained and difficult relationship. One in which I hold a lot of negative feelings (of anger, resentment, disappointment, frustration, etc.) against this person.

I've gotten to the point where I'm tired of spending so much energy on these negative feelings towards this person. I'm tired of carrying so much anger, resentment, and disappointment around with me. I want to let those feelings go. I'm not hoping for a close relationship with this person. I just hope that I can get to the point that no matter what this person says/does, that I'll be able to be calm and at peace inside. That I can stop giving this person the power to affect my emotions so negatively. I hope to get to the point that treating this person with respect and kindness isn't so difficult. I want to stop feeling on edge every time I'm around this person.

I'm ready for change.

I'm ready to stop waiting/expecting for this person to change, and finally just start working on myself. However I know that I can't get to the point I want to be at on my own. I can't bring about this change in my heart without the help of the Savior. I've held on to these feelings for too long and too deeply. I know this is going to be a long and very difficult process. I know that there'll still be times when this person makes me frustrated and hurt. But I also know that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I can overcome this.

I will one day be held accountable for my actions/choices I made regarding this relationship. Right now I couldn't go before my Father in Heaven with a clean conscience of my actions/feelings towards this person. Therefore I am choosing that today I will start the process of softening and changing my heart, with the Savior's help. So that one day I can stand before my Father in Heaven with a clear conscience.

As I was looking for a quote/picture to go along with this post, I came across the talk, The Merciful Obtain Mercy by Pres. Uchtdorf. It seemed that every point Pres. Uchtdorf makes was directed right at me. Coincidence? I don't think so. The entire talk is amazing, and I strongly encourage reading the entire thing. But these parts particularly hit home for me:

"The pure love of Christ can remove the scales of resentment and wrath from our eyes, allowing us to see others the way our Heavenly Father sees us: as flawed and imperfect mortals who have potential and worth far beyond our capacity to imagine. Because God loves us so much, we too must love and forgive each other. ... 

... In a world of accusations and unfriendliness, it is easy to gather and cast stones. But before we do so, let us remember the words of the One who is our Master and model: 'He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.' ...

... Brothers and sisters, there is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment. We are not perfect. The people around us are not perfect. People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way.  

Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord's way. 

Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive. 

Lay your burden at the Savior's feet. Let go of judgment. Allow Christ's Atonement to change and heal your heart. Love one another. Forgive one another. The merciful will obtain mercy."

Forgiven- Greg Olsen